


truly know

by KeanBlade



Series: color in red [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drabble, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Sad, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-28 13:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19813555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeanBlade/pseuds/KeanBlade
Summary: Four emotions Madara learned from Tobirama('s death)





	1. Chapter 1

Madara does not truly know regret until he sees his brother fall beneath a Senju blade. And then he regrets; he regrets that he did not speak more of his affection relying on actions that perhaps were not as clear as they could have been, he regrets that he did not push harder for peace and try more to sway his brother’s mind, he regrets that he cannot kill every person on this field. (And Madara does not deal well with regret.)

Madara does not know true gratitude until he sees Tobirama bend over his brother hands glowing green. And then he is so grateful; grateful that a man who is supposed to be as cold as ice has found mercy in his heart, grateful that the White Demon knows the healing arts, grateful that he has misjudged the albino. (Izuna is not fully healed, even a ninja with Tobirama’s prodigious control couldn’t fully heal the wound, but the worst of it is gone and with it the highest chance of death. His brother will survive as long as no one indulges in excessive idiocy.)

Madara thought he truly knew fury and he knows he didn’t when he sees Tobirama fall under Izuna’s blade. He is furious; furious because it is all too clear the Tobirama did not need to die, furious because Tobirama could have dodged and didn’t, furious because Hashirama doesn’t even see his brother fall- he doesn’t even glance over. (For Madara everything goes quiet, and he feels cold as the grave.)

Madara thought he truly knew heartbreak and he knows he didn’t when he falls in love with a dead man. He is heartbroken; he’s heartbroken as he reads cramped handwriting in the margins of plans drawn up years ago for a village that didn’t yet exist, he is heartbroken when he hears the children tell stories of their sensei who always had time for them, he is heartbroken as he sees the shape of Tobirama’s absence in the Senju. (In the end all the Zetsu needed was for Madara to have lost a loved one, it mattered little if it was could’ve-been-lover or brother.)


	2. call in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama is many things, these are four

Tobirama pays his debts and Izuna is a debt he cannot pay. Tobirama struck him down because it was his duty, he struck him down because Izuna would have done the same, he struck him down to keep his family safe (Touka…). And the look on Madara’s face was a debt he could not pay.

Tobirama understood consequences, and he knew the consequences even as he called his chakra. Tobirama healed Izuna because Madara did not deserve to lose another brother, he healed him just to prove him wrong, he healed him because it was the only way (Tobirama had always wanted peace). And he knew the consequences even as the blade slid through his ribs.

Tobirama is good at forgiving, he has to be with a brother like Hashirama. Tobirama forgives Izuna for taking an opportunity he sees for his clan, he forgives his clan their uncertainty in the face of his differences, he forgives Madara even though there is little to forgive except a wistful thought (Tobirama had always wondered what his hair felt like). He cannot forgive Hashirama, not this one time.

Tobirama made plans, he made plans even for this- perhaps especially for this. Tobirama planned out a first draft of a treaty and left it where Mito would find it if she looked, he planned how to dispose of his experiments as some were too dangerous for others to take up, he planned out the infrastructure for the village that was to come and left the finished notes for Touka (he wanted so badly to see his academy). He did not plan his funeral; he did not know who would morn.


	3. stop and listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama had four chances

Hashirama dreams, he dreams of many things but peace above all else. He dreams of peace for the brothers he buries who should have grow so tall, he dreams of Madara by his side because he seems the only person that _understands_ , he dreams of one day standing over a village and calling it his own (and maybe that should have been the first warning). And when he has all those things, he finds dreams do not taste so sweet.

Hashirama feels, he feels everything all the time and it just bubbles off of him like steam from a pot, he can’t help it. Hashirama weeps at the too small graves of his tiny brothers, he is in paroxysms of delight when he meets his lovely fiancé, he is full of _righteousness_ when he calls to Madara on the battlefield (righteousness has a tendency to blind). He forgets about a small, _tiny_ , boy standing between him and their father.

Hashirama regrets, and he didn’t know he could _feel_ like this, hard and heavy and unforgiving. Hashirama regrets when Madara screams his brother’s name in his face on that battlefield, he regrets when Mito comes to the table with a draft of a treaty in his bothers hand and will not talk to him for days, he regrets when he stands over another grave and realizes he is a _fool_ (it is the first grave in Konoha). He would like to say regret makes him a better man, but he isn’t sure.

Hashirama learns, he learns so much in those later days, there is _so_ _much_ he missed. Hashirama learns of his wife’s strength when she stands for the Senju at the negotiating table, he learns he was a fool when he finds the notes hidden in his brothers things full of plans for a village Hashirama thought he didn’t want, he learns he doesn’t really _know_ Madara when he sees the way he hold the notes (like they are the greatest of treasures). He learns eventually that he missed even more than he thought when Madara **_screams_ **Tobirama’s name in his face again in that cursed valley.


	4. fight them all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka fought them all, except four times she didn't

Touka wasn’t born to war, but she learned it better than most. Touka’s father wasn’t a fighter but she took up his hoe and taught herself, she found she loved the dance of death and the way her blood ran hot, she painted her lips hearts-blood red and laughed at the god of peace (every death didn’t make her tired, it made her burn). Touka swore to die with a blade in her heart and a curse on her lips; she got her wish.

Touka wasn’t given love, not at first, and she learned how to hold on to it tighter than anything anyway. Touka wasn’t something her family understood main family branch or no, she was far from home in her home until she met red eyes, she didn’t have any siblings at first but she chose the only one that ever chose her back (Tobirama was her rock, the one to stand up for her right to stand at his side, the one to spar with her until her mind settled when it was too quiet). Touka loved no one more dearly and never gave herself the chance to.

Touka wasn’t gentle, never had been never would be; she didn’t know the secrets of her blood-brother’s mind, but she knew they were there, which is more than most. Touka couldn’t be gentle for children and help then learn, she couldn’t find the patience to heal the sick and sooth their pain, she couldn’t bend her mind to planning for a better future (she never thought of the future much at all until she had no other choice). But Touka could be gentle for him, and she was once or twice when she saw him cry.

Touka did not turn her face; not until she had no other choice- she would not destroy Tobirama’s legacy. Touka almost did though when she found the papers left for her and burned them in her heart ache, she almost did when she saw the _faithless honorless scum_ that killed him walking free and healed, she almost did when she saw the way they used his legacy and never gave him proper credit (the only thing that stopped her was the matching fury on Madara’s face). In the end she walked away when she couldn’t look away again. 

(She found a fox later, she gave it to Madara.)


	5. cut the infection out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuna failed four times

Izuna knows the folly of acting to fast far, far, too late to do anything; he has always been a slow learner. Izuna’s folly starts with a blade in his hand and ends there too, his folly is listening to much to those he shouldn’t listen to at all, his folly starts as a child when he can’t let go of his brother’s hair (it's why Madara grows it so long he tells him; Izuna’s greatest folly is that he never learns the truth).

Izuna knows he fears and believes he shouldn’t, “You mustn’t be afraid, no child of mine will be afraid”. Izuna fears the winter and its’s cold lean months, he fears his brother leaving and not coming back, he fears the white demon and his cold hard intellect (imagine that you must face the most intelligent man ever, imagine that every time you face off he has something new to use to kill you, imagine that you believe he has no heart, and now imagine that this is the person you must trust your people too).

Izuna knows he’s wrong, but he doesn’t want to be, he’s not _supposed_ to be. Izuna knows he’s wrong when he runs a blade through Tobirama, he knows it when he sees Tobirama’s hands still glowing green, he knows it when he sees no surprise in red eyes (and he doesn’t understand that, it is everything he has ever feared about the other man, cold planning and resolved action, never faltering once set- everything Izuna _isn’t_ and should be).

Izuna knows he has lost his brother, oh not right away, but soon, soon enough he knows. Izuna knows he has lost his brother when they dig the first grave and Madara can’t quite look at him, he knows when his brother buries himself in notes in distinctive handwriting and talking to Senju children, he know when Madara picks up his weapons and leaves with out a word (Izuna sees his bother leave by chance and watches him walk away from the tower _Madara_ helped build).


End file.
